Bobble heads.

I’ve been thinking about bobble heads today.  I’m, personally, way past questioning their existence or their origin story.  I guess that if you are an Old like me, you are more comfortable with understanding where bobble heads originated; however, the Youfs might not have that perspective or comfort level.  Us Olds remember the days when sports giveaways were basically weapons, mini baseball bats and baseballs for baseball games, mini hockey sticks for hockey games, and mini dueling swords for fencing tournaments. As you can imagine, arming a crowd as they file into a limited space container and proceed to drink beer for a couple of hours didn’t always work out as well as hoped.  You Youfs can blame us Olds for why you never get nice, deadly things as giveaways anymore. As team owners and their insurance companies started learning the errors of their felony inducing promotional giveaways, they formulated plan B.  In this instance, B stands for bobblehead.

You might ask, “Why does the head bobble?” Simple answer is that it makes for a less effective weapon if the head isn’t solidly attached to the rest of the body, otherwise you are just handing out maces, or for the non D&D/RPG/LARPA crowd, clubs, and we are back to arming the crowd.  Don’t think the jiggly head is meant to amuse, it’s purely a safety feature. Now that we are starting from the same, imaginary bobblehead origin story, I can get back to where I was actually heading when I started out writing.

I was thinking about bobble heads, not the de-weaponized promotional giveaway for which I just invented a back story, rather, people who distract an audience from obvious deficiencies with some external gimmick like a bobbling head.  If you get down to it, none of my bobbleheads look like the person they are depicting.  The bobblehead I received for winning my rotisserie baseball championship looks nothing like me; however, I don’t care because I get distracted with making the head jiggle.  Much easier for me to deal with the amusement of a jiggling head than to come to terms that I have a Bruce Bochy bobblehead that could double as a young Tony Danza bobblehead.  Youfs, please google that one on your own dime. Might as well google “dime” while you are at it.  As I am following the devolution of our country’s government, I am noticing that we are accruing a high rate of bobble heads in senior government positions.  People with serious deficiencies that use distractions to mask and focus people’s attentions away from their deficiencies.  Prior to attaining their new positions, their distraction was hate speech against the government and their policies.  Now that the bobble heads ARE the government, what is going to be their new distraction?  I am concerned that the bobble heads will do something really stupid in order to continue deflecting people’s attention away from their deficiencies.  I am thinking about bobble heads and I’m not thinking about the easily consumed distraction.  I am squarely addressing the main problem, our bobble heads look nothing like the leaders they are supposed to look like.It’s not an issue if my Randy Winn bobblehead looks like Keegan-Michael Key but is an issue if America’s Chief Strategist looks like a Klansman without a hood.  I won’t stop thinking about bobble heads.



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